Subject: Man Utds new sponsor

On the first day, God created Chuck. And the light switch. And then he delegated.

If only that was how it started...

Nah, couldn't have been like that, you'd have had things blowing up left right and centre.

Oh.

What's going to get rid of the unwholesome staining on the mattress?

i would imagine woppa is our resident expert in these matters

I just turn the mattress upside down. Then when it happens again, repeat. Easy. (also works for squirters...)

perhaps wetting yourself at this time of year is a good idea, especilly if your urine is warm. a good sensation will ensue, but the bad point is that you will smell bad and feel sticky.

If your urine comes out cold; incontinence is the least of your worries.
I will also refrain from conjuring a "Woppa's mum" reference based on the end of your second sentence.
Right, bugger this, I've done sod all on my day off, I'm off to the dive shop and Tescos.

Do you mean Lidl? Or a shop that sells Jacques Cousteau outfits?

The latter. Feculent fundaments; I drove all the way there and it was closed. There wasn't much room in the boot for my shopping after that, what with all the empty tanks stuck there.

where did you dive? stoney cove?

Not if I can help it. Living in Nottingham isn't too helpful as it's about as far from the sea in all directions as you can get. Last w/e I went up to Whitby with my old club, which I've just joined again. Have been up to Scapa Flow, Oban, down to Salcombe, Plymouth etc and quite a few abroad. Just getting back into it at the moment after not really doing much the last few years - the kit had been in the garage so long quite a lot of the soft bits of it had been eaten by mice :-/

Tescos was closed???

aye its grim up north. no 24 hours tescos... but i think on this occassion perhaps the dive shop?
(edited)

Yeah, the dive shop. The Tescos is one of those monster efforts that never closes.