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Subject: Procrastination
When you say, "credit card bird"; are we to assume you used her as your flexible friend?
No thanks. She was heavier than me. I draw the line there these days.
I still get ID'd at 27. Sometimes that pleases me, sometimes not. It happens less often nowadays and, when it does, silently and mournfully pointing at my expanding grey patches normally works. Either that or they then think I'm tapped.
When I lived in Port Erin at 20-odd they used to ID me when I bought cigarettes at the Shoprite!
When I lived in Port Erin at 20-odd they used to ID me when I bought cigarettes at the Shoprite!
I saw a woman getting ID'd in the garage at the end of my road. She looked like Amy Winehouse's nan. She went mental and then her wino fella started asking if they (the staff) thought he was a, "Paedo or summink?!"
He nearly lumped me for laughing.
He nearly lumped me for laughing.
Did you doff your top hat and say: "Why, quite the opposite my good man!"
There are some proper crackheads about my local garage/costcutter; the best was when one tried to point at the Mayfairs and on doing so fell forwards almost over the counter; startling the two guys behind it, who had to try and lever her up whilst avoiding knocking over the scratchcards display.
There are some proper crackheads about my local garage/costcutter; the best was when one tried to point at the Mayfairs and on doing so fell forwards almost over the counter; startling the two guys behind it, who had to try and lever her up whilst avoiding knocking over the scratchcards display.
:-) Gave them a good fisting did he... Clearing the way to the counter for a resupply of Hamlets and then scrabbling about under the racks to find the monocle that had popped due to the preceding mirth!
Ah, dear. That reminds me of the sex shops in Amsterdam. You can buy prosthetic rubber arms there; I mean wtf?! I had to have a sit down after that, I can tell you.
Ah, dear. That reminds me of the sex shops in Amsterdam. You can buy prosthetic rubber arms there; I mean wtf?! I had to have a sit down after that, I can tell you.
I am sure you did. A rubber arm is no mean feat for a beginner...
Where do you go after that though? Elephant legs; giraffe necks; scale Eiffel tower models? The mind boggles.
I haven't been IDed for a while now. Used to get it all the time then it suddenly stopped.
Has the substance abuse finally ravaged your boyish good looks then?
It's the crystal meth!
No, the hand was closed. No wiggling.
No, the hand was closed. No wiggling.