Subject: just 2 let ewe know

i was on holiday in the Isle of Man, walking through Douglas (with a guide as you do) then this steroid-enhanced air traffic controller climbed to the tree in front, then started the process of directing passing traffic, i was suprised and shocked as the loud shrieks from the creature insued. have you any unfortunate stories such as this?

tut tut.........

That's what I thought. I told him that he risked going blind and losing his job, but he just wouldn't listen...

I once went to a monkey sanctuary. The guide, who was new on the job, gave one of the younger monkeys a peanut. The monkey then proceeded to climb 40 feet in the air, before getting into trouble while eating the peanut. He made the most hideous wretching sound I've heard in my life before projectile vomiting his breakfast on the punters below.

I was going to put this in the other thread but it got closed.
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That's good. My monkey stories are:

a) Woburn safari park. My dad took us there when we were kids. A horde of monkeys extracted the rubber inserts from the roof-rack bits of his BM estate and made off with them. We had a good view of their arses through the sunroof. He got so infuriated at one of them sitting on the bonnet and twirling this length of rubber around that he nearly jumped out of the car; the excited monkeys charging eagerly toward the door put paid to that idea.
b) The monkeys at some temple in Malaysia; they recognised the coca-cola and pepsi logos and snatched the cans out of tourists' hands as they climbed the steps to it and then sat a few yards away with a "you looking at me?" look on their faces, slurping it.

ahh, yes you are responding to my whymsical adventure in the amazon, but i have reached other perameters in the world, shall i tell you about my camping trip in wales? or shall i tell of my tails in the sahara?

thanks for letting my topic live on! (unedit)
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Please tell us both! While we're on the subject, is anyone interested in what I experienced when I was trapped in an elevator with Steve Buscemi, 2 potatoes and a permanent marker?

yes, go on my friend! i shall tell one tale tommorow but one of you shall specify which one, for they are equally as enchanting and amazing

It was a few years ago. I'm not entirely sure why I was in the US at that time, but I had some very, very important business to do in this expensive and important looking building with this important looking man.

So I get to this building, and having to meet this important man at the top floor, I decide to take the elevator. So I step in this lift, and guess who is standing there. Steve "Mr. Pink" Buscemi. Offcourse, I play it all cool, and while nodding slightly, I walk in and take place to the left of him.

So this elevator starts moving up, but between the 4th and 5th floor, it suddenly stops. Offcourse, Steve "Theodore Donald "Donny" Kerabatsos" Buscemi starts panicking, but I play it all cool.
'Don't worry mate, we'll get outta here. Do you have some things with ya?' So Steve "Steve Buscemi" Buscemi gets these 2 potatoes out of nowhere, while I reach down my pockets in order to get my permanent market. Suffice to say, we made it outside the elevator in only a matter of seconds.

stop drinking meths.

my ex-wife got mugged by monkeys at the poolside in kenya on our honeymoon. they stole all her biscuits and cake (it was 4pm tea time) and one of them even got on her lap and nicked a biscuit she was putting in her mouth! i filmed the lot and we got 2x 250 quid - once off you've been framed and once off animals do the funniest things... brilliant! paid for a ski trip.

I am still waiting for my ex-wife to become useful.

stuffed and mounted on the mantlepiece she'll make a great conversation starter at dinner parties

i think that kind of behaviour is frowned upon at dinner parties.

she was already a great topic of conversation for at least a year after our divorce. sleeping dogs and all that. on the plus side, this month I finally pay off all the debts she accrued, only took me 5 years!

It really happened, honest!