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Subject: Imran around the World.
Imran [del] to
All
As you all will know, some months ago, I left the supermarket own brand shreddies factory in Scarbororough disgrace after trying and failing to break the world record for most Indian meals eaten in a single night. I was laughed out the doors. My boss mocked me. Everyone did. Soon after Mrs Imran decided that I was not the right man for the job. In the space of a year, I had gone from decent money and talking of having little Imrans running around, to no job no woman. I also sold my Mondeo. (The one that broke down just outside Leeds) I don't know why. Perhaps it was just time. I spend the £365 on booze and women. Well. Just booze. I also started smoking again.
Now some people would break down and go into some form of mid-life crisis after such events. Imran soldiers on. Imran spoke to he bestest friend Monty. Monty is not his real name. His real name is Michael Phillie. We used to cal him Millie, but he hits you if you call him that, so we changed it to Monty. You don't care.
Anyways, Monty is a bit of a philospopher, and he was like "There are over 3 billion b****es on the planet and you are giving greif over one? DUDE!?" I forgot to mention, Monty thinks he is either Bill or Ted from the Amazing adventures of the same named Time Travelers. To be fair to him, he had a point. Mrs Imran, while being moderately atractive and having the ability to place a whole banana in her mouth at once, was not the perfect woman. She had a large bottom and supported Manchester United.
Monty and I decided a holiday was in order. Now neither I or Monty in this story are very rich. I had nothing. Monty had slightly less than that. We needed money. This is where Clint comes into the story. Clint is a total Div. But he is loaded. Therefore we pretend to like him and he buys us drinks and stuff. Clint has some kind of computer job, which means he is slightly anti-social, overweight and a virgin. He also has a beard. We put it to clint, that a holiday in Thailand was the key to happiness. He agreed, on condition that we pay him back in installments, and we hep him to pull. We never meant to, but meh.
So the trip was made, and some time later (a lot later, after 1 illicit visit to a drunk Mrs Imran and a few weeks) arrived in Thailand. I had managed to scrape some money together. There was lots of booze and partying. I'm sure you get the picture.
One interesting story though (Kids should press ctrl+f4 now). All 3 of us were in a bar with a lot of other Europeans. I was sticking out like a saw thumb thanks to my ethnic ethnicity, when this beautifull klady up to us. Thai. 5'4'' if that. "You want good time" She asks. We all look at Clint. His jaw hits the floor. "Yes. We do" Monty says. "Good good!" says the lady (no she is not going to turn into a man) She comes back with some drinks. and stays with us until we decide to leave. "You got money for the night?" Clint hands her a wad of cash blushing and making sure it would last until the next evening. I ask for her name. and she says that she is "Sammy" I doubt that is her name. I didn't care.
We got back to the hotel room, and Clint dissapears, leaving myself and Monty to 'entertain' Sammy. Which we oblige. I don't need to explain what happens here. Perhaps I should just say is was a bit of a Micah Richards scenario and leave it at that. The morning appears and STILL no sign of Clint! We had lost the guy who was paying for the whole trip! We went into his room, and his bags were gone... he was gone! All that was left was our plane tickets on his bed, and a not saying "See you in Yorks". No money, and no luggage. We had travveled light and only had a backpack each. They were gone. Clint had f'd off with everything and all Monty and I had was the clothes on the bedroom floor, 2 plane tickets and the use of an attractive Thai Lady for another 12 hours.
I felt sick. Not because Clint had abandoned us, but because of what we had done to Clint. Neither me or Monty really liked him, we just used him and his money. To get here and have a good time. I looked at Monty and he looked back at me. "You know what we have to do not don't you Immy?"
"Yeah." I said. I didn't really know. He grabbed my hand that was balled into a fist and held it in front of me. I looked at him puzzled. "Trust me" he said.
"One. Two.... and THREE!" Monty held out his hand flat. "Paper beats rock. See you in 2 hours." He went back into the room with Sammy. I saw him again half an hour later. "Your turn" He said. I didn't want to. "She's had enough" I said. She hadn't. That girl seemed to never have had enough. I almost went in and said "thanks but you really should do something better in life" Not that I really cared about Sammy. She seemed to enjoy her 'job'. Well paid from it too. I just felt bad. We decided we should go home as soon as.
By the time we got back to Blighty we had pretty much forgotten the bad parts of the holiday. All except the missing Clint part. He was a big guy and I daresay he could have handled himself fine, it was just... odd. I went home and before I got in the front door I got a text. "CLNT SNT U A PSTCRD" It was from Mrs Imran. I went round to pick it up, expecting a photo of me with some Thai lady, perhaps Sammy, perhaps not. It was just a regular postcard though. "Thanks! I'm having a great time! Sorry this is going to your ex's but I don't know ur address.
Long story short, I spoke to his mum (and eventually him by phone) it turns out that he liked Thailand so much that he is staying there. He ran away from us because he didn't want to have to explain and he nicked our luggage "cus it was a larf" and he is no longer a virgin.
Happily Ever After.
So if anyone from Sokker is ever in Thailand, look out for a big, fat, bearded party animal called Clint.
Mrs Imran wanted Imran to come back, until yesterday, when I told her this story. This Imran adventure will be a tough one to beat.
(edited)
(edited)
Now some people would break down and go into some form of mid-life crisis after such events. Imran soldiers on. Imran spoke to he bestest friend Monty. Monty is not his real name. His real name is Michael Phillie. We used to cal him Millie, but he hits you if you call him that, so we changed it to Monty. You don't care.
Anyways, Monty is a bit of a philospopher, and he was like "There are over 3 billion b****es on the planet and you are giving greif over one? DUDE!?" I forgot to mention, Monty thinks he is either Bill or Ted from the Amazing adventures of the same named Time Travelers. To be fair to him, he had a point. Mrs Imran, while being moderately atractive and having the ability to place a whole banana in her mouth at once, was not the perfect woman. She had a large bottom and supported Manchester United.
Monty and I decided a holiday was in order. Now neither I or Monty in this story are very rich. I had nothing. Monty had slightly less than that. We needed money. This is where Clint comes into the story. Clint is a total Div. But he is loaded. Therefore we pretend to like him and he buys us drinks and stuff. Clint has some kind of computer job, which means he is slightly anti-social, overweight and a virgin. He also has a beard. We put it to clint, that a holiday in Thailand was the key to happiness. He agreed, on condition that we pay him back in installments, and we hep him to pull. We never meant to, but meh.
So the trip was made, and some time later (a lot later, after 1 illicit visit to a drunk Mrs Imran and a few weeks) arrived in Thailand. I had managed to scrape some money together. There was lots of booze and partying. I'm sure you get the picture.
One interesting story though (Kids should press ctrl+f4 now). All 3 of us were in a bar with a lot of other Europeans. I was sticking out like a saw thumb thanks to my ethnic ethnicity, when this beautifull klady up to us. Thai. 5'4'' if that. "You want good time" She asks. We all look at Clint. His jaw hits the floor. "Yes. We do" Monty says. "Good good!" says the lady (no she is not going to turn into a man) She comes back with some drinks. and stays with us until we decide to leave. "You got money for the night?" Clint hands her a wad of cash blushing and making sure it would last until the next evening. I ask for her name. and she says that she is "Sammy" I doubt that is her name. I didn't care.
We got back to the hotel room, and Clint dissapears, leaving myself and Monty to 'entertain' Sammy. Which we oblige. I don't need to explain what happens here. Perhaps I should just say is was a bit of a Micah Richards scenario and leave it at that. The morning appears and STILL no sign of Clint! We had lost the guy who was paying for the whole trip! We went into his room, and his bags were gone... he was gone! All that was left was our plane tickets on his bed, and a not saying "See you in Yorks". No money, and no luggage. We had travveled light and only had a backpack each. They were gone. Clint had f'd off with everything and all Monty and I had was the clothes on the bedroom floor, 2 plane tickets and the use of an attractive Thai Lady for another 12 hours.
I felt sick. Not because Clint had abandoned us, but because of what we had done to Clint. Neither me or Monty really liked him, we just used him and his money. To get here and have a good time. I looked at Monty and he looked back at me. "You know what we have to do not don't you Immy?"
"Yeah." I said. I didn't really know. He grabbed my hand that was balled into a fist and held it in front of me. I looked at him puzzled. "Trust me" he said.
"One. Two.... and THREE!" Monty held out his hand flat. "Paper beats rock. See you in 2 hours." He went back into the room with Sammy. I saw him again half an hour later. "Your turn" He said. I didn't want to. "She's had enough" I said. She hadn't. That girl seemed to never have had enough. I almost went in and said "thanks but you really should do something better in life" Not that I really cared about Sammy. She seemed to enjoy her 'job'. Well paid from it too. I just felt bad. We decided we should go home as soon as.
By the time we got back to Blighty we had pretty much forgotten the bad parts of the holiday. All except the missing Clint part. He was a big guy and I daresay he could have handled himself fine, it was just... odd. I went home and before I got in the front door I got a text. "CLNT SNT U A PSTCRD" It was from Mrs Imran. I went round to pick it up, expecting a photo of me with some Thai lady, perhaps Sammy, perhaps not. It was just a regular postcard though. "Thanks! I'm having a great time! Sorry this is going to your ex's but I don't know ur address.
Long story short, I spoke to his mum (and eventually him by phone) it turns out that he liked Thailand so much that he is staying there. He ran away from us because he didn't want to have to explain and he nicked our luggage "cus it was a larf" and he is no longer a virgin.
Happily Ever After.
So if anyone from Sokker is ever in Thailand, look out for a big, fat, bearded party animal called Clint.
Mrs Imran wanted Imran to come back, until yesterday, when I told her this story. This Imran adventure will be a tough one to beat.
(edited)
(edited)
nah, he upsets me greatly because i beats him 10-0 everytime i plays him.
Nice one, changing Robnob's name to Clint to fool us.
... and changing jaize's name to Sammy to fool us.
Now neither I or Monty in this story are very rich.
Isn't it supposed to be 'neither....nor...'?
Othet than that, funny. :P
Isn't it supposed to be 'neither....nor...'?
Othet than that, funny. :P
ahhh... imran... how we missed you. welcome back. now unleash the full fury of your inner rage on mattius will ya?
Never thought of it in that way, but was it a quote from Imran's speech?
"And I shall strike upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger..."
"And I shall strike upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger..."
Othet than that, funny. :P
if you're going to have a pop at grammar you should probably check your spelling ;^)
if you're going to have a pop at grammar you should probably check your spelling ;^)
I was just before my first cig, so I consider myself justified. :P