Subject: Crap Jokes

it is averaged that 10 out of 8 people have problems with fractions. ;)

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

what cheese is not yours? nacho cheese!

A teacher receives a phone call before school, and answers saying "Who is this" the voice replies "Simon has an awful flesh eating disease and if he comes to school he may infect everyone!" the teacher is appalled and asks "who is this?" and the voice answers "my mum"

Bloke walks into a butcher's. Butcher says, "Bet you a tenner that you
can't jump up and touch the meat that's hung up on the ceiling with
your hand."

Bloke says, "No thanks."

Butcher says, "OK, bet you twenty quid that you can't jump up and hit
the meat that's hung up on the ceiling."

Bloke says, "No thanks mate."

Butcher says, "OK, OK, I'll give you a hundred quid if you can do it."

Bloke says, "No thanks mate, the steaks are too high."

That one actually made me laugh.

Some jokes are so bad, that they are good!

A rather confident 007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks,

"Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I am here alone. Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

007 taps, taps his watch,

and says "Damn thing must be an hour fast

XD brilliant

bear walks into a bar and says to the barman " id like a whisky and ......................................................................................... cola

barman , asks " why the big pause "

bear replies " dunno , always had them "

It took me a while to get that, but I liked it :')

Ha Ha Ha...Like that joke, very good......



Here is one for you.....


One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.
"I can fix that with some Aspirin. I will take some and be better in a second"
So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.
The CEO says "We don't approve of womanizing!"
The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking"
(edited)

Man goes into a bar, passes the barman throwing a crab out onto the street.
Gets served, asks the barman: "What was that all about?"
Barman says: "He's always in here starting trouble, giving it all that"

And in the interests of crap jokes, this one so doesn't work via the internet as it's vitally important that as the 'Barman says...' bit is recounted the teller holds a hand up on either side and enthusiastically snaps their thumb against their fingers.
(edited)

curiously, I think the joked worked better on the internet...

If only for the thought of several people sitting at their keyboards doing crab impressions!

I had to explain it to the missus - she still didn't get it, not knowing that the crab claw movement was the universal language for back chat or cheek...

but she did like it when I accentuated the crab movements with a sideways walk...